Light
by Persilchen
Summary: After a rather gruesome case JJ finds peace within the beauty of the day - and with the help of Emily also peace within herself.


**_A/N: I highly recommend listening to _****_Mogwai -Kids Will Be Skeletons while reading this - because I was doing so and it kinda sets the mood for this story. Also thought about Daughter - Youth while writing it, so there are the opening- and ending quotes. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I did writing it and as always: sorry - I'm no native speaker but doing my very best! :) _**

_We are the reckless,  
We are the wild youth  
Chasing visions of our futures  
One day we'll reveal the truth  
That one will die before he gets there._

The precinct was already emptying out when Jennifer Jareau shoved the last of her papers into a folder and put it into her bag. She exited the office the team had used during their stay in the small New England town and gently closed the door behind herself.

With a slight smile on her face she made her way towards the glass doors and the golden sunshine of a late summer afternoon pouring into the building from the outside. Slowly she pushed the doors open, stepping into the still warm day, closing her eyes to contently let the warm light soothe over her skin for a moment, before taking a deep breath and walking down the steps towards Morgan and Reid, who were waiting for her by one of the cars.

"Hey JJ, you up for some dinner? Maybe grabbing a burger?" Morgan asked, sunglasses in place, leaning against the hood of the cars, propped up on his elbows.

She thought about it for a moment, but when she felt a slight warm breeze weaving over her she shook her head with an apologetic smile.

"I think I'd rather stroll around a little. The day is beautiful." She blinked into the sun for a moment, before readjusting her gaze towards the men. "Where are the others?"

"Hotch and Rossi left earlier - I guess Princess went with them. We were just waiting for you."

"Sorry to hold you up then. I can come with you, if you've been waiting?" JJ states reluctantly. The day really was beautiful and the case they just closed had been a rather gruesome one, but if the boys had waited for her, she didn't want to act like an ungrateful ass.

"Nah. You go and enjoy yourself", Morgan smiled and scrambled up from the hood to wave at Reid. "Come on pretty boy, it's just the two of us."

After they had driven off JJ stood for a moment, playing with the strap of her bag, while trying to decide which way to go. After weighting her options she opted for the direction that would get her far away from the local High School. It didn't take long until she came upon a sign that pointed out the local light house and a small path slightly sloping upwards into a fir forest. Five minutes into the woods she felt herself relaxing even more. The sun was shining through the trees, painting patterns onto the soft needle covered ground and onto herself. She held up her arm and moved it, smiling at the shifting pattern forming on her skin and listened carefully. Even though she was still close to the city there were no urban noises to be heard. No cars, no loud voices, no phones, just the slight breeze, the singing of the birds and if she listened really, really closely she was able to make out the distant sound of the ocean, crashing against the shore. She liked living in D.C. a city heavy with history, with so many amazing things, amazing people and last but not least the job she loved doing - despite its nasty habit to bury them in horrible crimes. But standing here in this peaceful forest, bathed in golden light she felt a pinch of homesickness - or was it more nostalgia? After all she was a small town girl, grown up with a pond behind the house and uncountable amounts of places to explore, to hide and make your own, when you're a child. She knew every tree, every rock, simply every part of the land surrounding her city. When she was a child wandering around it felt like the land belonged to her - and wandering around she did; sometimes leaving the house at the crack of dawn and climbing over the fence at the back of their garden when the sun was setting down. At least until her sister - she sighed.

JJ readjusted the strap over her shoulder and started walking along the path again all on her own. Since she had left the main street she hadn't walked into another person and was quite thankful for the seclusion she now felt. As she moved on, the slope now increasing, she moved around a sharp turn. The sound of the waves was now louder - a white noise within this secure cocoon of light and calmness - and she could also hear the distinct screeching of the gulls flying somewhere above the trees. After another turn she stopped in surprise when maybe fifty yards away the forest ended abruptly and the large concrete light house rose up in front of her at a cliff. The sun was already low but still shining over the cliff's edge creating a halo-like backlight for the tall building. Brushing some lose strands of hair out of her face she made her way towards it, when - after she had stepped out of the trees - she spotted a wooden bench facing the ocean with a slightly familiar silhouette sitting on it, smoking a cigarette. For a moment she felt disappointed, being pulled out of her comfortably warm and golden cocoon, but when she realized who it was, sitting motionless in the afternoon sun she tilted her head and smiled. She quietly made her way over and sat down without saying a word, including Emily into her little bubble.

She felt the brunette next to her tense as she felt the movement next to her - she obviously hadn't sensed JJ until she was sitting down - saw out of the corner of her eye Emily's head turning towards her and relaxing immediately with a slight smile on her face when she recognized the blonde.

They just kept sitting there in comfortable silence, both staring at the ocean, at the city lying beneath them, Emily sometimes taking a drag from her cigarette. JJ knew she wasn't a regular smoker, but there were times when her friends' nerves were so tense, when her compartments were close to overflowing, when she was close to snapping and losing it, when she would pull out a crumbled package of cigarettes and have a smoke to calm down. To think. To recollect herself.

The blonde had been lost in thought again when she felt movement next to her. She glanced sideways, watching Emily carefully putting out the cigarette and storing the bud inside of the crumbled, blue package. They fell into comfortable silence again, while looking at nothing in particular, just enjoying the calmness of the day, when JJ, without even thinking about doing it softly said, "That bad, Em?"

The brunette who was sitting with the arms spread wide onto the back of the bench didn't move nor speak for some time, then with a sigh breathed out, "How did you do it, JJ?"

Surprised JJ turned her head and looked at her friend. "Do what?"

Emily pondered for a moment. "I'm not entirely sure."

JJ's gaze was caught by a sea gull again, following it with her eyes flying by and towards the sea.

"I just don't know what to think." The older woman starts again after a moment of silence. "She did horrible things to those kids. To her friends. And it disgusts me, but at the same time, after all she went through, there's a part of me that understands her." She hesitated. "That even sympathizes with her. I mean - I've never lived in a small town. I can't imagine what it must've been like for her. Everyone knowing, everyone talking. I mean, I know it from the text books and of course we've seen it before. But this time…I just don't know what to think." There was silence again, still comfortable, still two friends sharing a bubble, sharing thoughts, being close. JJ was looking at Emily again, her pale skin almost glowing in the last golden light of the day, her hair almost black against the light, eyes almost closed, teeth nibbling at her lower lip, but her arms still comfortably spread out wide. No fidgeting with her nails, no crossed arms. She was just sitting there, granting JJ a rare present. Emily Prentiss being completely open and unguarded, letting JJ in. So JJ took her time until she spoke again, cherishing this moment. She thought about her way up to this place, about the thoughts she had while walking through the forest. Serene.

"When I was a child, growing up in East Allegheny felt like owning the world, Em. I was roaming freely. I knew every corner; I knew places I was sure nobody else did. Sometimes I would meet up with other kids and we would go fishing, or play soccer or just hang out at the park, but most of the time I remember roaming on my own. Leaving at dawn, coming back when darkness fell. I went ice skating with my siblings on the pond in winter, I had various tree houses and secret places to enjoy free days in summer. Being in this small town felt like pure freedom. You can't do those things in the city. But then… Well then Rosaline…" She sighed, staring up at the sky. Felt Emily's gaze upon her.

"I'm sorry, JJ. You don't have to…"

"No. It's all right. Rosaline killed herself and things changed. I wasn't allowed to roam freely anymore. My parents were mortified of losing another child. So my brother and I didn't wander anymore. And I guess it was then when I realized all those other small town mechanisms. There was also support. Damn Emily there was lots of support. People reaching out, trying to help - it still wasn't all bad but there were also the sneaky looks and silent whispers. In a small town there are no secrets. When I'm thinking about it now all I can think of is "why didn't she tell me what was bothering her?" but on the other hand I was just barely eleven years old. A little brat running through the woods. Let me just put it like that: When being a child in a small town feels like owning the world, being a teenager feels like being in prison, because you are on constant display. People are always watching, always judging, especially in High School."

Thinking about High School JJ shook her head and smiled a rueful little smile before readjusting her gaze onto the horizon again. There was a light tap on her right shoulder. Emily's arm reaching out behind her, offering comfort. So she moved in, putting her head on her friend's shoulder while gazing into the distance.

"You know, I always longed for this… I know it sounds insane. Where I grew up people were always distant. When you're constantly on the move people aren't interested in you, because it's most likely that it's lost effort, because you're most probably gone again soon. I kinda… owned the world, but I never felt free… you know?" JJ nods against her shoulder.

"I guess the grass is always greener on the other side."

"I can't imagine you having problems in High School, though. You were an athlete and I sure as hell know that you're a very likeable person."

JJ sighs again, cuddling closer into her friend, inhaling the rich scent of her perfume, the clean smell of her hair, the light remains of the cigarette smoke and beyond - or within - the significant scent that simply was Emily. Things always felt easy with Emily. Being close to Emily felt easy. Being herself around Emily felt easy. Talking around Emily felt easy. Emily made her feel at ease. Always.

"I'm sorry." The brunette mumbled again. Nothing more. She understood that she must have hit a sore point, pulled JJ a little closer and rubs her shoulder. "Never mind."

The younger woman glanced up at the serene face, framed by almost black hair, aglow in the last light of day. Looked beyond the strong jaw, the exquisite nose, caught a glimpse of long lashes and chocolate brown eyes, fixed to a point in the far distance, thoughtful but still at ease. Still inside their cocoon.

"Just because people easily like you, doesn't mean that you easily like other people." JJ quietly stated after watching Emily for a while. "Especially, when you're having secrets and are afraid that someone could learn them. When you're afraid that the talking, and the looking will start again. You hide everything deep inside of yourself. You smile on the outside and discover how lonely your sister must've felt on the inside. People expect you to be going steady with another athlete when you're captain of the soccer team. I've had to fight hard to keep them on arms length, Em. Baby blue eyes and blonde hair don't make those things easier when you're sixteen."

The blonde now felt long fingers stroking through her hair, playing with a strand, twirling it around a finger and straighten it out afterwards. Her friend had been feeling bad about the case and here was JJ talking about her High School worries, but still everything felt at ease. Still Emily hadn't flinched away. Hadn't said a word, because at that moment she must have sensed that it would be wiser to just let JJ talk. Still there was the light, still there was the ocean, still there was Emily.

"You know… I know how you feel about Amanda. Up to a certain point I feel sorry for her. Someone hurt her badly and there were those people talking, making fun, not believing. But she's had a choice. She didn't have to go postal and kill all those students. I was afraid that I could end like her or Ross if anyone would learn my secret. So I made sure to keep it safe."

The stroking continued, calming her. She hadn't talked about this with anyone, hadn't ever been this open to anybody. Hadn't shown the entire Jennifer Jareau, ever. And now as they were sitting beneath this light house, over a small town that was shaken by horrible crimes committed by a desperate High School student, with the ocean, and the breeze and the birds she felt like she could finally feel free like she did when she was ten and roaming through the woods. Because with Emily everything was easy. Emily had her back, Emily was her rock and she was sure that even though she might be taken aback by her statement, that Emily would still like to be her friend.

The sun was standing very low now, a glowing golden ball, slowly dipping down behind a very distant tree line.

"You know" She said, pulling herself a little closer to the brunette, "For the first time I feel safe enough to tell someone."

There was a brief moment of angst, when the hand stroking her hair stopped its movements, but then she felt Emily's head turn.

"You don't have to, Jen," she whispered, a strange undertone in her voice, which made her glance up. She caught Emily's gaze, her face again glowing in light, a content smile on her lips, eyes soft, warm and understanding. "I already know." Eyes wide in shock, she felt a slight tug on her hair and then Emily's lips on hers. And it was pure bliss.

Jennifer Jareau felt whole again. After over twenty years she was finally free. And it was easy. With Emily pulling her in closer, she wasn't afraid of herself anymore.

_And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,_  
_'Cause most of us are bitter over someone._  
_Setting fire to our insides for fun,_  
_To distract our hearts from ever missing them._


End file.
